Issue No 99 November 2009

Editorial

There is nothing as edifying or as cathartic as public outrage. The continuous flow of sewage originating opposite St. George School and flowing through the gutter and the road outside our gates was so offending that residents felt it was their right to vent anger at the office bearers and me in particular. There are many things the office bearers can do which are within their control, but if you have to depend on the civic authorities or the elected beacons of our democracy to get the job done, it’s better to raise the white flag. Umpteen letters to the top leaders, meetings and phone calls only evoked assurances. The ground reality is indifference. Bharti Ramakrishnan gave an earful to the concerned person in MCD in order to get him to start the work. Many other residents also pitched in. Amongst them, Anand Sundaresan used a contact to petition the CM and Purnima Satish called the CM’s helpline on a daily basis. Eventually, the work did get started albeit with much fanfare. The local MLA, MLC and sundry other functionaries inaugurated the work amid breaking of a coconut and distribution of sweets. It seems ironic that political mileage was sought to be derived from such an incident. Here are some pictures taken on the occasion !

The movie, Dil Bole Hadippa, screened on 7^th November was another treacly song and dance travesty with cricket matches thrown in for popular appeal. Not a great movie to liven up the evening, but what followed made up for the ennui. The pot luck dinner evokes enduring images of community, camaraderie and conviviality – so essential and intrinsic to a meal shared together.

The Sports Day which started on time on a bright and sunny morning saw the children, ladies and gents in great spirits. Tanvi of G-204 who excelled in the sprints, the long distance race and the three-legged race with Aradhya, was easily the best athlete of the Sports Day. Tejas of G-106 with two first place finishes and one second place finish was the best amongst the boys. Meera of H-208 with two first place finishes was the best amongst the ladies. In the road race for boys, Anirudh of H-308 scorched the asphalt with such a turn of speed that all that the trailing mob could do was vie for second place. Padma of A-110 ran the road race with such élan that that the rest of the field was left to admire her derriere. Kavya pipped elder sister Divya to the post to take the second place, in the process tallying three medals for the day.

I threw a challenge at the women that 10 men would compete against 20 women in tug of war. I was banking on Hari Shankar, Deepak and Manoj among others who are over 6 ft tall with an equally impressionable horizontal canvas, to haul the dainty women onto their side. Little did I know that they were full of beer gut and hot air. It was comical to see them brought to their knees in a jiffy. A rematch citing unreadiness only ended in ridicule as this time the supposedly weaker sex gave such a tug to the rope that our gallant men were left prostrating in front of them. It was a repeat performance when the girls challenged the boys. Ladies can no more be labelled the weaker sex.

The Quiz competition held on 21st November at the Badminton Court presented a logistical nightmare. There was a stall of Barclays Bank with blaring music and tambola vying for attention. However, when that got sorted out, it was a challenge to form the teams with last minute drop-outs and several new entrants. The hastily assembled teams may not have had the ideal mix. In fact one of the teams ended with two adults and one didn’t have any. The quiz with complete audio-visual rounds was painstakingly put together by the Quiz Master, Sumathi. That it was a novelty both in terms of the theme and the presentation is an understatement. Those who would have pored over GK books in preparation for the quiz may have been a tad disappointed. However, the competition itself was , with two teams namely, “The Champs” and “The Hornets” fighting neck and neck till the end with the Hornets eventually pipping the Champs 75 marks to 70. The ladies representing the the two teams, Ms. Anita Suresan and Ms. Latha Narayanan were outstanding. The Hornets who had the benefit of another adult in Manoj made the difference. The third placed team were the Hogwarts, followed by Nitro and Hot Spot. My sympathies were with Nitro who did reasonably well without any adult in their midst. Sumathi had brought two boxes of Munch for the right answer from the audience. The audience were very active and Gita Rastogi walked away with quite a few Munch’s. Everybody seemed to have a jolly good time. Kudos to Sumathi and her assistant Shalini. Kavya kept everybody abreast with the scores. The prizes for the quiz which were distributed on the Annual Day were donated by Mr. Manoj of H-206 and Mr. Narayanan of C-007 and Poornima Narayanan. Many thanks to them.

The 29^th Annual Day on 28th November started on a good note. The refreshments served in the evening were very tasty. The Chief Guest Mr. Ajay Maken had last minute orders from Mrs. Sonia Gandhi to fly with her to Jharkhand for election campaigning. This meant that we could start the programme on time. Dr. P. N. V. Kurup very kindly agreed to officiate as the Chief Guest. Half way through the Prize distribution ceremony the former Municipal Councillor, Mr. Virender Kasana arrived to give away the remaining prizes. In his speech which may sound like music to the ears of Yamuna residents (who have for years tolerated the filthy park on the way to the temple), he mentioned that orders have been issued to make the MCD park into an ornamental one. Work on the same has commenced.

My debut speech as President was a non-starter. A bout of laryngitis smote me down and I was rendered speechless. Just as well, as it helped speed things up. All the programmes from the Invocation song to the renderings of the Yamuna Rock Band showed the immense talent that exists in the colony. Radhika’s Odissi dance and Netra’s Bharatanatyam made a pretty picture. Avantika’s felicity with the higher octaves, in the Hindustani composition Raag Des was well appreciated. The fancy dress by the kids was both a pleasing sight and also brought about a lot of laughs with their cute and bumbling ways. Bam Bam Bole by the kids, Just a Prayer by Prakriti and Sri Lakshmi and the solo song by Sandhya Srishankar had the crowd engrossed. The tabla recital by Anirudh and Tejaswin showed how Anirudh has matured over the years. The timbre from his tabla resonated like Ustad Allarakha of the Punjab Gharana. Wake up Sid, was very well enacted by the kids and drew encomiums. Des rangila, a folk dance had all the elements of what we call folk. To the shore’a dance ballet with flowing robes was very artistic and colourful. The show stopper of the day was the Marathi Koli dance by the ladies. It had a lot of verve, vitality and energy. The ladies put their best foot forward and pirouetted on the stage to wolf whistles from the audience. Meera, as the lead dancer, was exceptional with her expressions and deservedly pocketed the Best Performer award instituted by our ex-member, Mr. Lele. The Arabian Belly Dance by Shahin was very enthralling. The anecdotal evidence of the next two items which I unfortunately missed, was that they were well received by the audience. They were the Medley Dance and ‘Heal the World’-a tribute to Michael Jackson. I returned in time for the ‘grand finale’ which threw up the pyrotechnics by the Yamuna Rock Band. They essayed a classical number and followed it up with two other conventional rock numbers. They have brought to their repertoire a refreshing variety that evidenced the honing of their skills. They paid tributes to their ex-band mates Vinayak and Rahul who are now residing in the US. The curtains finally came down on another successful and enjoyable Annual Day. While all the items had class, the judge picked Meera Verma, the cast of Wake Up Sid and Avantika as the stand out performers.

It would be remiss on my part if I do not acknowledge the contributions of the people who worked behind the stage. The choreographers for the various items were Bhavani, Lalitha, Charu, Anuradha Nair, Prema, Prakriti, Gita Rastogi, Meera Venkat, Radha Mani, Meera Verma, Netra and Soumya. The whole ‘programme’ was shepherded well by Gita Rastogi who worked long hours with all the choreographers to select the cast and do the rehearsals. S. Srikanth as the sound engineer made everybody’s task easier by doing the sound mixing and splicing to fit the part for each item. Mrs. Gauri Raghunathan worked with Gita to plan out the whole programme of events, to make sure everything worked to perfection. Aparajita Kumar (Kirti to most of us) did the job of the compere with aplomb. Lastly, thanks are in order to our ex-resident, Mr. Venkat who came from Vaishali to help with the stage setting etc.

Enjoy the vast array of Annual Day photographs taken by Ramabhadran here.

OBITUARY

Mr. Ramu Raghavachari an ex-member who used to reside at H-102 passed away at the ripe old age of 95 on 23^rd November. Yamuna residents convey their heartfelt condolence to the bereaved family.

SNIPPETS

Mr. Ganesh Ponnuswamy, Brand Manager for Hamilton, (part of the Swatch Group )has moved into E-205 from Saket along with his wife Shahin and son Shourya, who is ten months old. Ganesh plays badminton and jogs in his spare time. He also loves watching movies and listening to music. Shahin quit her job with ad agency JWT to deliver their baby. She loves reading, dancing, writing poems and skits. This couple needed no time to integrate as within 20 days of their moving in, Shahin performed a scintillating belly dance at the Annual Day. We welcome them to the Yamuna family.

In a move that didn’t cause too much of a bother, Mr. Ganapathy and family of F-003 have moved to C-207. This transition should see them enjoying their winter more and dreading their summer.

Fortunate are a few blessed souls who are able to celebrate their Sathabishekam. Smt. T. S. Meena Krishnan and Shri. N. Krishnan are the kindred souls who did so on 29^th November at their home in E-004. Lunch was served at the Community Hall. The signs of their popularity could be seen by the milling crowd at their home. We wish this couple many many more years of happy wedded life together.

CALENDAR OF EVENTS FOR DECEMBER 2009

24.12.09 X’mas Eve Carnival 6.30 pm at Badminton Court

An evening of music and dance with plenty to eat and drink. Sigris to keep you warm will be placed!

31.12.09 Cake cutting at Community Hall to usher in the New Year.

Time: Midnight

Yamuna Quiz Competition

Full house at the Yamuna Quiz

Quiz master Sumathi gets going !

Deepavali at Yamuna is always special, thanks to our illumination competition and 2009 was no different.

Our ever enthusiastic S. Srikanth shot over a hundred photos of the event, from the making of the rangolis to the final, illuminated spectacle.

Take a look at Yamuna's Deepavali 2009.

Issue No 97 September 2009

Editorial

September always brings pleasant memories. You say goodbye to the sweaty summer and embrace the balmy weather of autumn. As a kid the first English song I heard was the signature tune from the movie, “Come September”. September also heralds the beginning of the festival season. The plethora of festivals and the fun and gaiety associated with it warms the cockles of one’s heart. Now that we are in the thick of it, let’s savor it.

The Annual General Body Meeting of the Society held on the 13^th turned out to be tepid affair. After the fire and brimstone of the EGM, it seemed like a walk in the park. While the EGM diatribe was not pleasant, the absence of a coherent debate in the AGM spelt indifference. Supine passivity will not lead to change for the better. Yamuna residents must step out of the mould of the cockerel that believes its crowing makes the sun rise and let their valuable suggestions heard in the AGM. The notable aspect of this year’s meeting was the resignation of Mr. C. S. Menon, who after an unprecedented four terms as the President since the formation of the Society, decided to call it a day. His son has bought him a flat in Mumbai so that they can spend more time together. He will divide his time between Delhi, Mumbai and Kerala. Some may disagree with his views and methods, but nobody can deny the indelible mark he left on the affairs of the Society. While he will continue to be in our midst, I would be failing in my duty if I don’t hail him as one of the founding fathers of Yamuna who endeared himself to everybody.

As a consequence of his resignation I was elected as the President for the next term. By anointing me as President, the Society regards me as its privileged interlocutor –one who is called upon to shoulder the responsibility of upholding the prestige and the goodwill of the apartments. I hope I am not found wanting in this task. There is a lot to be done; least of all is the façade which has black stains on the concrete beams, the terrace which is leaking at many places and the road which is beginning to wear off. The big nettle we are grasping with is how to do all the big ticket maintenance work on a shoestring budget. To top it all the Manager, Mrs. Bhagirathi Gopalakrishnan has put in her papers to move to greener pastures. Her absence will leave a temporary vacuum until a new person is appointed and learns the ropes. We request the residents cooperation until the person who takes over comes to speed.

I am aghast to find children these days make a meal of Maggie noodles, chips and sundry other fast food items and skip lunch or dinner. These are not staple food. They are at best dietary diversions and can never be mainstream food items. Empirical evidence has shown that binging on junk food which loads one with calories but no nutrition, can lead to obesity, hyperactivity and irrational behavior.

This year again we have to make do with a mini version of the Diwali Mela in the badminton court on 10^th October. Popular sentiment abhors a vacuum and for two years running, the absence of a mela has been overrun with stories, fables and expectations for freshly arrived Yamunites who haven’t experienced the real thing. The full scale mela had to be forsaken on account of the advisory from the Police that all mela venues should have CCTV’s, X-ray screening equipment etc. to prevent terrorist attacks.

There is a maniacal driver hired by a resident. This one seemed to have learned his trade from a rogue Blueline bus driver. He alternated furiously between the brake and the accelerator, screeching and swerving in the perimeter road of our complex. I tried stopping him but he almost ran over my foot. I have no recollection of the face or the number on the number plate because of the shroud of darkness. Residents are advised to caution their drivers from speeding in the complex.

Quite out of the blue we were greeted to a Ramlila done by the tiny tots in the park on the 28^th. Riya Ramabadhran had made a pygmy sized but well crafted Ravan with his ten heads and weapons of mass destruction. Riya and Aryan (E-201),Tanvi and Sahana ( G-204), Ananya (G-205), Vishakha (H-005), Siddhant (E-302), all had something to say on the epic, Ramayana. Anupam Gatta (G-002) was dressed up as Ram, Ashwin Satish (G-205) was dressed as Lakshman and Rishabh Anand (H-005 ) was Hanuman. Anjali Garg (H-305) was amused with Hanuman’s tail and had a go at it. Other warriors and ladies of the kingdom included Tejaswin and Avantika Shankar(G-106), Aparna(H-208), Saisha(H-206), Aditi and Poorvaja(F-003) Samiksha and Adwita(B107), Yohaan and Kiana (A-008), Gokul and Mani(B-302). When the battle commenced Ram and Lakshman fled the battlefield and it was left to the senior Ram enacted by Ramabadhran to take on Ravan. The villain was not easily vanquished. After the first encounter Ravan stood firm and Ram had to retreat with his bruised ego. Ram then marshalled all his resources and mounted a second assault before Ravan went up in flames.

Obituary The morning of 28th September brought the sad news that Srilata Prabhakar of H-201 was no more. “Sri’, as she was popularly known was a cultural icon. She was the mainstay of India Habitat Centre’s cultural milieu and anybody in the city of Delhi who was remotely connected with any art form, knew her intimately. Her regal demeanour will always be etched in the memory of everybody who knew her. Her loss is irreparable. For her sons Karun and Prashant, she was a font of emotional capital they would have to learn to do without. Both these guys took extremely good care of her when she was incapacitated. They will now have to pick themselves up and move on. The Yamuna family wish to convey their heartfelt condolence and assure them that they have a larger family at hand to call their own.

SNIPPETS

Sugar and Dr. P. J. Manohar Rao of A-101 are synonymous. Not that he has a sweet tooth. That would have made it a double whammy! After a 32 year stint in the Ministry of Food & Agriculture at the Centre as Chief Director (Sugar), he worked as MD of National Federation of Co-op Sugar Factories Ltd for 8 years. He published many technical articles and books. In appreciation of his outstanding publications, he was awarded two Gold Medals and two Doctorate Degrees. In recognition of his professional excellence and outstanding contribution in the development of the Indian Sugar Industry he was conferred an award by His Excellency Dr. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam, Former President of India, on the 26^th of August, 09 at the 70^th Annual Conference of the Sugar Technologists Association, held at Udaipur, Rajasthan.

We are indeed privileged to have such erudite people in Yamuna.

Mr. C. S. Subramanian(Raja), Jyoti and the children have relocated to the US from C-007.While Jyoti was part of the Managing Committee, her children were very active amongst the kids group. They have left their imprint on the lawn behind their flat which they developed very assiduously and tastefully. We wish them luck in their new life.

It is amazing how soon C-007 went to the new residents. The day Raja and his family moved out, Mr. P. H. Narayanan moved in with his wife and daughter from Rajinder Nagar. Mr. Narayanan works for the Swatch group and is Brand Manager for Omega watches. Mr. Narayanan is fond of sports and plays badminton in his spare time. His wife Latha is spiritually inclined and daughter Manasa is studying in class IX in Gyan Bharati School. She is fond of reading and Warli painting. Although I had heard of this style of painting, I didn’t know much else and hence retreated, not wanting to exhibit my ignorance. Until a landline is installed they can be reached on 9810496772. We heartily welcome this family to Yamuna.

Amit Soman and Rashi Gupta of A-302 did not trouble the scorers. They left this month for Chennai within a year of moving into Yamuna.

The Axis Bank head honcho felt that Julius Samson of A-201 was too valuable to waste his talent in a Branch Office in Delhi and asked him to relocate to the financial capital, Mumbai. Wife Madhavi will shuttle between Delhi and Mumbai until such time as daughter, Radhika completes her studies. We will miss this nocturnal, ever smiling individual.

CALENDAR OF EVENTS FOR OCTOBER

Date	Time	Venue	Event
10.10.09	6.30 pm onwards	Badminton Court	Mini Diwali Mela
17.10.09	6.30 pm	All Blocks	Diwali Illumination Competition
24.10.09	7.00 pm	Badminton court	Movie screening & Potluck dinner

YAMUNA’S TREES

Tree of the Month – Parijatham

Botanical name:Arbor tristis ; Harshringar/Parijatham ( Sanskrit ); Pavazhamalli (Tamil)

The Tamil name for this delicate bloom, Pavazhamalli literally translates as “coral hued jasmine“ The flowers start blossoming in profusion just a few days before Navratri in the month of Poratashi( in Tamil) or September /October.

The flowers fall from the tree at night and carpet the ground prettily, a boon for Yamuna-ites wanting to offer fresh flowers in their puja. Offering this flower to Goddesses Lakshmi, Saraswathi and Durga is considered auspicious. The Parijatham tree blossoms in the evenings and the night air is rife with the fragrance of these flowers. The tiny flowers have a five- to eight-lobed white corolla with an orange-red centre; they are produced in clusters of two to seven, with individual flowers opening at dusk and finishing at dawn.

The tree is sometimes called the "tree of sorrow", because the flowers lose their brightness during daytime; the scientific name arbor-tristis also means "sad tree". Known as 'Sheuli' in Bengali, Parijatham is the official flower of West Bengal. It also appears in several Hindu myths.

It is widely believed that the sacred orange ochre robes for monks in India are obtained by a dye made from these flowers. This flower has medicinal properties and is widely used in ayurveda. Do you know how many Parijatham trees Yamuna has ? (Seetha Venkataraman)

The Battle for Lanka !

View more pictures/slideshow of Yamuna's own Ramlila right here !

Issue No 96 August 2009

Editorial

In a drought year the odd rain shower is supposed to bring welcome respite. But each of the rain breaks we have had have brought a deluge with clogged overflowing drains, fallen trees, blown roof tops and the latest – a crashing fence of St. George School into Yamuna territory. Alas! Nothing in this country is built to cope with nature’s fury.

Esoteric days have begun to crowd the calendar. Fogies like me are not familiar with the plethora of newbie occasions that today’s youth greet each other with. I was wished, “Happy Friendship Day”, very lovingly by the kids barely reaching my knees, on 2nd August, in the park. I was delighted by their greeting. But this kind of happiness is heartbreakingly ephemeral, as you snap out of it even before you begin to savour it. The reason for that was the high velocity Frisbee game of the older kids which drove the tiny tots to the little knoll skirting the park. Poor things had to settle for playing,” Catch me if you can”, snaking between the palm fronds and the ficuses planted there. Alas!, Innocence has just a fleeting lifespan these days, before the kids hit the teens and all hell breaks loose.

Rakshabandhan this year came on the same day as Avani Avittam, an annual ritual when Brahmins renew their vows amidst the chanting of mantras. I was appalled to hear a teenage girl remark after witnessing this,” What are these half-naked men letting off their steam for”? Or words to that effect. The fact that the girl who uttered this is a South Indian Brahmin herself, spoke of the wide chasm that exists between the present and earlier generation. Our own customs and practices are being consigned to the recesses of our mind and glitzy western occasions like Valentine’s Day, Friendship Day are taking centre stage. I have nothing against the latter, but our young should at least be cognisant of Indian customs and practices.

Imagine, you have a person going at your door bell as though his finger was stuck to it. You rush out of the bathroom, hoping the towel you have hastily thrown around yourself covers most of your essentials. You throw open the door and there’s this misbegotten sociopath who’s wrecked your happiness, landing at your doorstep looking for a guy who lives a storey above you. Not any more. Attractively designed, inexpensive house number stickers arranged by S. Srinivas of A-108 have been affixed on all the Yamuna front doors so that no person comes calling at your door looking for your neighbour, thereby disturbing your beauty sleep or whatever else you are doing.

Janmashtami came on the eve of Independence Day amidst threatening rain clouds. Nandita, Keshav, Kavya,Lippa and Kashish got together to prepare a tableau in front of the tiny tots park. Sahana, Tanvi, Saishaa,Ananya, Vedika, Aradhya, Anoushka and Gauri, were all dressed in attractive costumes holding plates laden with laddu boondi.

We were not so lucky dodging the rain on Independence Day. Overnight showers had left the fountain park soggy because of which the flag hoisting ceremony was hastily moved to the badminton court. No sooner the flag hoisting was done and the children and adults were through with the singing of the National Anthem and other patriotic songs, the sky opened up with a sharp shower. A fairly good attendance ensured that the rains did not take anything away from the solemnity of the occasion. Many of the assembled audience were dressed in the colours of the national flag thereby painting a pretty sight. Pictures of the ceremony have also been posted on the blog.

The festival season is upon us with Onam opening the account on 2^nd September. It is a pity that the spirit of yore is missing these days. I recall occasions when several Pookolams would vie for pride of place and the Onam sadhya was eagerly looked forward to by Malayalis and others alike. The last couple of years have seen this enthusiasm fizzle out. For children bred in the North it may seem cataclysmic if a woman was seen wearing a mundu, wondering where this androgynous specimen has dropped from, much in the same ignoramus way the comment came forth on the Avani Avittam. In order to therefore take us back to our roots and revive the spirit of Onam, a sadhya and pookolam was planned on Sunday, 30^th August. Heavy rain in the morning threatened to derail the arrangements. It cleared sufficiently by afternoon to let the girls and the ladies to pour their heart into the pookolam decoration. Meera, Prema, Shanta, Shanti, Lakshmi, Anuradha, Bhavani, Aruna amongst others chipped in. Amongst the girls Nethra and Kavya led the band of young ones in helping to collect the flowers and put them in order. We had a fair gathering of people to partake in the Onam feast to the strains of Malayalam music. The girls and ladies made a pretty picture in their traditional attire.

The latter half of the month will see the celebration of Durga Pooja and Navratri culminating with Dussehra. The annual Dandiya dance is planned on Dussehra day. Residents are requested to come to the badminton court in traditional attire and with their own Dandiya sticks. There will be several food stalls to cater to all tastes. The evening will culminate with Antakshari.

SNIPPETS

Pedagogy, it seems comes naturally to Renu Viswanath of A-305. She’s has been conferred the Best Teacher Award by The Mother’s International School. Promoted as a consequence, she has begun teaching secondary school students instead of the primary classes she was teaching hitherto. She has got her work cut out.

Quite in the same vein, albeit as a student, Riya Ramabadhran of E-201 has been chosen as the Head Girl of the Primary Wing of The Mother’s International School, for her all round accomplishments.

Both these individuals deserve kudos for their achievement.

Arun Elassery of H-206 has always been a trailblazer. This IIT graduate stunned quite a few by his decision to educate his three children at home shunning formal education. He has now taken another of his maverick decisions to move into a 700 sq yards plot in Bangalore with a 300 sq yard built up area and the balance 400 sq yard plot area to provide for all the grain, vegetables and fruits to sustain a family of five. Sounds improbable, but you cannot write off anybody who thinks out of the box. They can surprise you. We wish them luck.

The flat they are vacating as a consequence, is going to be occupied by Manoj Subramanian and family who are moving from C-205.

YAMUNA'S TREES

Maulsari or Spanish Cherry

(Botanical name: Mimusops elengi Family: Sapotaceae (Sapota/ Mahua family)

Common name: Spanish cherry • Hindi: Maulsari Urdu: Kirakuli • Tamil: Makizhamboo • Malayalam: Ilanni • Bengali: Bakul • Marathi: Bakuli • Konkani: Omval • Kannada: Ranjal • Gujarati: Barsoli

Maulsari or Spanish cherry is a lovely green medium sized tree of the Indian subcontinent. With its small shiny, thick, narrow, pointed leaves, straight trunk and spreading branches, it is a prized ornamental specimen because it provides dense shade during summer and from March to July, fills the night air with the delicious heady aroma of its tiny cream coloured flowers. The tree is reputedly evergreen and finds place in many planned gardens of Delhi, but is rarely found as an avenue tree.

You can see several of these trees in Chanakya Puri, Rajpath and Humayun’s Tomb. Yamuna has several maulsari trees bordering the entrance of the main lawn. A photograph of the adult tree and a close up of its flowers are in the Yamuna blog.

Flowers are small, star-shaped, yellowish white in color, with a crown of petals rising from the center. Its oval leaves are wavy at the margin and are about 5-15 cm long and 3-6 cm wide. In the late evenings the flowers are deeply fragrant . In the morning the flowers tend to fall to the ground and if you have a dense row of trees you are likely to see a “carpet of maulsari flowers”. People often collect the flowers for pot pourri as they retain their fragrance for many days . The flowers are offered in temples and shrines throughout the country. It appears in Indian mythology as Vakula – ‘one that blossoms when sprinkled with nectar’. Its tiny green, and later brown, gnome shaped fruits are sweetish berries and can be eaten fresh .

Medicinal uses: Various parts of the tree have medicinal properties. Its flowers are used to distil an ittar (Urdu for ‘perfume’). It is used as a mouth freshener. Rinsing your mouth with an extract/ solution of maulsari/ bakul helps in strengthening the teeth, prevents bad breath and helps keep the gums healthy. The reddish heartwood is strong and is extensively used in heavy construction.

(Shanthi Chandrashekaran, with inputs from Rajeev Masodkar

For Lovers of the English Language....

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand. . .

UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so......it is time to shut UP!

)

CALENDAR OF EVENTS – SEPTEMBER 2009

13.9.09 10 am AGM in the quadrangle adjoining the Society office

28.9.09 6.30 pm onwards Dandiya Ras followed by Antakshari. A variety of food stalls will sell their delicacies to take of your dinner needs.

HAPPY B’DAY, LORD KRISHNA!

Mount Govardhan

Yamuna’s little gopis

Click here for more pictures on Janmashtami

ONAM SADHYA

More pictures on the Onam Sadhya here !

Happy Birthday India !

15th August, 2009

Issue No 95 July 2009

Editorial

As India turns 62 on August 15^th, an inconsequential double digit before the sheer sweep of history, we request everybody in Yamuna to trot to the fountain lawn for the flag hoisting ceremony. The loftier rhetoric of independence may be mere words for the millions of people living a life of penury, for whom independence would only come with freedom from drudgery. However, for people like us who are more fortunate it would be necessary to take a pledge to make India a better place for all. While the flag hoisting ceremony may not evoke the adrenaline rush of a Diwali mela or dandia, for all patriotic Indians, it is a duty we should not shirk from. If you have attire that matches the colours of the national flag, it would provide for good visuals in the photos that would get uploaded in the Yamuna blog. It would also be great if children come prepared to sing patriotic songs. As usual, sweets will be distributed.

The CCTV camera has nabbed the first felon. Not physically, though! The C- Block gate camera has captured the intrusion of the person who made off with Aparna’s ( F-103) bicycle and the A Block gate camera has captured the getaway of the same intruder astride on the bike. Thieves normally hunt in pairs and so it seems this time, too. A person entered the C Block gate (by the side of the main lawn) moments before the person who eventually stole the bike. The accomplice left from the C Block gate after the bike was stolen. The irony is that the security guards were missing from their post at both the gates at the time of intrusion and getaway. There could be two possibilities; either there was collusion between the thief and the guards or the thief is smart enough to make his move until there is a security breach. On an earlier occasion when things went missing we had summoned the head of the security agency and cautioned him about the petty thefts. He made it clear that the guards have to leave their post occasionally to go to the toilet and until we hire an extra guard who can act as a reliever, there will always be a possibility of security lapse. In the AGM, a proposal was put up to hire an extra security guard but it was shot down citing financial profligacy. Unfortunately, stodgy conservatism is the cornerstone of policies governing the running of Yamuna. How can you draw comfort about your safety when you are cognisant of the fact that the gate is unmanned when the guard goes to the toilet! I hope wiser counsels prevail and we get the services of a reliever. Until then the security agency will keep passing the buck. A thief is a smart cookie and will obviously make a move when there is no one manning the gate. As a first measure, access through C Block gate is now allowed only to the residents and people who have been issued photo identity cards by the Society.

It is also pertinent to mention that the original proposal presented at the AGM was to install 16 CCTV cameras, which was also pruned to 4, as an exercise of financial prudence! Had we installed 16 cameras some of which would have been placed between the blocks, we could have studied the thief’s modus operandi and physically nabbed him. That would have made the investment on the snooping device worth it. Anyhow, we learn from these lessons.

The festival season is starting a tad early this year starting with Rakshabandhan on 5th August followed by Janmashtami on 14^th August. Rakshabandhan is a ritual where the sister ties a rakhi around the wrist of her brother or brothers as the case may be, in order that they protect her from goons, knaves, philanderers etc. This was relevant at a time when sisters, even after marriage, lived in the same village or town. In today’s world where even unmarried sisters commute long distances for college or work, this ritual has become more symbolic. Yet, it doesn’t take away the joys of the ceremony associated with the occasion. It is the beginning of a period spanning the next few months when women will turn out in all their finery to celebrate the various festivals that will follow. This jaw-dropping sequence for men is what makes life worth living!

The rain dance, the annual ritual of getting drenched in water sprayed through hoses, frolicking in makeshift pools and dancing to Bollywood music had to be canned this year due to deficient rainfall. We cannot be found wanting in social responsibility and cause wanton wastage of water when the rest of the city is paying an arm and a leg to buy water for even their morning ablutions! The news of the cancellation came as a big disappointment to all the children who looked forward to this day with the same enthusiasm as Holi.

Breaking news...the Yamuna Stores, whose sales figures now register a healthy northward trend, has added basic stationery items to their range of products.

This year the Temple in our neighbourhood run by the Alaknanda Dharmik Samaj is celebrating the Silver Jubilee Year. As part of the celebration, a traditional entrance has been built. A special Ganesh idol is also going to be installed. Several eminent people are expected to visit the temple during the four month period of activities. To defray the expenses for these festivities, the temple seeks donations from the residents who are devotees at the temple. Please get in touch with the temple for the details.

OBITUARY

Mr. T.P.Nedungadi, an ex-President (1991-92) and ex-resident of Yamuna returned to his Maker in July, in Kerala. He was a very cheerful person who liked to participate in all activities. I recall him being the protagonist in an English play staged on the occasion of Annual Day over twenty years ago. I happened to be in the same play in which I was supposed to marry his stage daughter. It’s hard to come by such nice people these days. Residents of Yamuna would like to express their heartfelt condolence to the bereaved family.

SNIPPETS

Nitya, daughter of Girija and Mohan of D-001 has delivered a baby girl on 10^th July in the UK. Isha Narayani, as the new arrival has been named, would turn out to be extremely fetching even if she is half as beautiful as Nitya . Girija and Mohan are over the moon with this bundle of joy. I cannot imagine Girija, who even today can cause several heads to turn, becoming a grandmother!

Mr.and Mrs. Anirudh Roy shifted out of C-207 to Gurgaon on 29.6.09. Mrs. Ipsita Roy’s flair at choreographing dance sequences will be missed.

Mr. Sunil Rajkumar Jamba has moved in with his family from Kolkata to C-008. He is a Regional Sales Manager with Nestle India Ltd. He loves travelling and watches sports. Although he is a North Indian, since he was born and brought up in Mumbai he is fluent in Marathi. His wife Seema is a homemaker who has spent ten years of her life in Chennai and as a consequence speaks Tamil. She likes to play badminton and socialize (plenty of opportunity for that in Yamuna!). Their son, Punit is a 3^rd year Electronic and Telecommunication engineering student at Dharwar in Karnataka. Their daughter, Hrishita, is a XIth Class student at Father Agnel’s school. She is fond of western dance. We welcome them to the Yamuna family. They can be reached on 26001775 or sunil.jamba@in.nestle.com.

Mr. W.D.Kotwal (A-201) turned 80 this month. The bard in him woke up and he penned this beautiful verse that should inspire many.

His Walk of Life

Past is past, future is not mine

On the edge of present I feel divine.

I feel not past’s prick thorn

Scared I am not of future unborn.

I now enjoy the emergent corn

In the golden hue of the sun newly born.

I hear the song of the earthly muse

Koyal in her pancham does amuse.

The spring, autumn, summer and winter dews

Nature paints for me in rainbow hues

The tiny tots and squirrels prance

Raindrops and roses for me dance.

In the present I am in trance

Back and forth need no glance

Let Him shuffle and deal any hand

Honoured or trickless, I enjoy the game none the less.

Thus my mind tended

For me the present is ever extended.

YAMUNA’S TREES

The Bael Tree

Aegle marmelos

Common names: Bael, (Hindi, Bengali, Urdu, Marathi) • Bengal quince, Stone apple(English) • Vilvam (Tamil , Malayalam)• Sandiliyamu(Telugu) • Bilva- patre (Kannada) • Adhararuha, Sivadrumah, Tripatra (Sanskrit

Bael is a fruit-bearing tree which is cultivated throughout India, and most of South East Asia. The tree grows up to 15 meters and has thorns and small green-white sweetly scented flowers. Leaves are trifoliate (trilobed). Its smooth, woody-skinned fruit is about 5-15 cm in diameter. Look out for a bael tree just behind the entrance of the Yamuna Store (around the corner of F Block).

The skin of some varieties of the fruit is so hard, it must be cracked open with a hammer. It has lots of hairy seeds embedded in a thick, gluey, aromatic pulp. The ripe, yellowish orange fruit is eaten fresh, dried or made into a drink.

The bael is a sacred tree, dedicated to Lord Shiva. In hilly regions, it is mandatory to offer bael leaves while worshipping Lord Shiva. This importance seems largely due to its medicinal properties. All parts of this tree, the root, leaf, trunk, fruit and seed, are used for curing several ailments. The fruit pulp soothes the stomach lining and is believed to manage ulcers and the elusive irritable bowel syndrome. Bael is extensively consumed as sharbat .

There’s a famous story of how the bael came to be associated with this god. Once, a hardened hunter spent the night on a bael tree. To keep awake, he spent the night plucking one trilobed leaf at a time and dropped it on the ground. Little did he know that the leaves fell upon a shiva linga. Pleased with the hunter’s devotion, Shiva immortalised him after his death by “reincarnating” him as the constellation Orion or Vyaadh. Doesn’t take much to please Lord Shiva, does it?

Back to the bael – would you like to try making bael sharbat ? Here’s how:

Crack open a ripe bael fruit and scoop out the seeds and pulp. Pour half a litre of water in a bowl and squeeze the pulp and seeds , using your fingers or the back of a ladle. Strain the thick pulp through a mesh and add sugar to taste. You could add a spoon of lemon juice, but the sweetened pulp is best diluted with water.

(Shanthi Chandrashekharan)

Mirth Corner

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:"Take only ONE.. God is watching."Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Calendar of Events

14.8 6.30 p.m onwards Janmashtami Tableaux by children in front of blocks

15.8 9.00 a.m. Independence Day Flag-hoisting and singing of patriotic songs. Distribution of sweets. Venue: Fountain Park

Issue No 94 June 2009

Editorial

There has been so much newsprint used up by the scare of the pandemic hitting us. I did not know the difference between pandemic and epidemic, so I asked my wife if she knew. She said, “I think, pandemic is global and epidemic is local”. Sounded plausible, but the words “I think” preceding her statement made me do a double check. She was right after all, as wives usually are if they are within earshot! It’s a pity that people returning from the US after a holiday and found carrying the bug should be incarcerated in a Government Hospital as prisoners without a fan or AC and dirty toilets. Isolating such patients is fine, but why should they not have the option to choose a private hospital? Obviously, a person travelling to the US is not of modest means and should have this option. Alas ! The trip to the land of plenty has turned out for many as the land of the plentiful alpha-numeric H1N1, the term used for the dreaded virus which causes swine flu. For a change the advisory from the health minister is to avoid travelling to the US. At last India scores a point, though not in cricket.

The much heralded Indian team, who were the hot favourites to lift the crown in the 20-20 World Cup, came a cropper. All the analysis that I have read about or heard on TV has not hit the nail on the head. There is talk that the IPL preceding the World Cup was the reason. How is it Sri Lanka, which had almost the entire team playing in the IPL reached the finals? Then came the news that it was the injuries carried by the Indian team that were the reason for the downfall. Yet, Yuvraj Singh who performed well was carrying an injury and the players who were not carrying injuries did not perform well. The point is we played tactically wrong cricket. Our batsmen scored more runs than the English batsmen, yet we lost. The reason is, we bowled eight more wide balls than England did. If we had bowled the same number of wides, we would have won by 5 runs instead of losing by three runs. We just lacked discipline. Besides, in the shorter version of the game, the slower you bowl the more effective one is in controlling the flow of runs and taking wickets. Indians hardly bowled any slower balls. Even Harbhajan Singh bowled slower with more flight only against South Africa and the result showed. He took three wickets for very few runs. Then of course we were done in by the shorter ball, a weakness of most Indian batsmen and the opposition exploited it well.

Vacation time is over folks! If you didn’t use the opportunity of the summer break to chill out in some hill station, no point moping now. Anyway, travel can be quite stressful these days; you need another break just to restore your tissues. So, as you get ready to go back to school or college, the only pleasant thought you have, is that you are a year senior. There is no better adrenaline rush for a kid than to feel older, quite the opposite of what one feels when one enters the forties. For those who are entering college, count yourself lucky that ragging has become a punishable offence. The horrific turn which the once good natured tradition has taken of late, called for a clamp down. I hope it saves some lives and bruised egos.

People who have moved to Yamuna in the beginning of summer must be wondering why the place is devoid of any activity. Apart from the residents giving in to their want for wanderlust, the dry heat is a dampener, to state an oxymoron. Even the thought of planning an activity is hobbled by sheer inertia. We have to wait until end of September for cultural activities to kick in, although a rain dance in July is on the cards.

The litter between the blocks has come down due to the installation of waste bins, although everybody is not following the advisory. The good part is that the maids and other domestics, who were messing the flower beds with leftovers and pan/gutka sachets, are now using the bins. It is the children who are still discarding the chocolate wrappers, Pepsi or coke bottles in the flower beds or between the blocks. If you, as a resident happen to come across anybody littering, please advise them politely to clean up their act. Quite another form of litter can be witnessed on the terraces. Cigarette butts and empty thinner bottles are strewn in some parts of the terrace. Apparently, a few boys and girls are indulging in substance abuse. For the uninitiated, the thinner vapour, upon ascending the nasal promontory, causes a titillation of the olfactory nerves and sends one into a trance. People are talking about this in hush-hush tones, but why should we give it the fig leaf of social legitimacy and keep it under wraps? While it has not reached alarming proportions – as those indulging in it are a miniscule lot – the mere occurrence of these activities in our precincts is a cause for concern.

One of the residents is extremely aggrieved that we are not according appropriate priority to replacing all the water pipes in the colony. In that person’s opinion we are flirting with danger of contracting some water borne disease. The fact is we are periodically getting the water tested. At present, the water is safe. However, we are all cognizant of the fact that our colony is thirty years old and at some point or other these pipes will corrode and may need replacement. What we have been doing until now is changing the pipe in those places where a breach has been observed. To change all the pipes in one go may require massive resources which the residents may be reluctant to part with. The residents’ health is of paramount importance to the committee and we will not be found wanting in addressing their concerns.

I have received a missive from S. Iyer, the brother of Prema Ramabhadran (B-005), highlighting the environmental concerns of the planet and what we should do to mitigate the ill effects of our rampant exploitation of the environment. This gentleman has travelled extensively around the world and seems to know what he is talking about. One of the salient points of the letter is that we should give a lime wash to the terrace roof whereby the sun’s rays are reflected back to the atmosphere, thereby reducing the impact of global warming. You may well ask what is in it for us. According to him, the temperature of the flat immediately below could come down by as much as 5 degrees and to a lesser extent in the lower flats. This would not only provide you more comfort but also bring down your electricity bill due to lower load on the AC. That’s like killing three birds with one stone ! He has also mentioned that we should install solar panels on the roof. There are other issues also mentioned which will be scanned and put up in the Yamuna blog for everybody to read.

In keeping with their promise of adding a bouquet of products to their inventory, the Yamuna store has introduced energy saving CFL lamps. July could see the introduction of stationery items.

Michael Jackson, one of the most kinetic of stage performers but conversely, almost angelic in real life, is no more. He thrilled legions of acolytes. Long live the king!

CORRIGENDUM

In the last issue of the Chronicle, I had mentioned that a couple of students who have strong connections with Yamuna have done extremely well in the Board exams. Shashank’s name was one of them. This reference of Shashank Sharma having “strong connections” with Yamuna did not go very well with his grandfather, Mr. T.A.R. Nair, who sent me a note with school I-Card proof, asserting that Shashank was indeed a resident of Yamuna. I told him on the phone that my inference was drawn by Shashank’s name not having been provided for inclusion in the Yamuna Directory and also because his parents live in Aravalli Apartments. In any case, I apologized for the inadvertent error. Mr. Nair was not mollified and wanted me to apologize in writing, which is why I am regretting the error in the corrigendum. The full content of Mr. T.A.R. Nair and Mrs. Kamalam Nair’s note is on the notice board and in the Society Office.

SNIPPETS

Ankit Mehrotra’s face did not ring a bell when I spotted him in the parking lot, fixing the tyre of his car. When I asked him if he had moved in recently he nodded in the affirmative. Ankit, a Senior Analyst with Oracle and his wife Sheetal, a Company Secretary with Jubilant Organosys have moved into G-305 from Lajpat Nagar. Ankit loves to play soccer, TT and lawn tennis. Both love to travel and Sheetal loves to cook. You may however, have to wait until the next pot luck to sample her cooking. No patter of little feet in the house, though, as they have been married only a year and a half.

*****************************

Arti Umapathy of D-104, is going quite international. After a stint of studying and working in Australia, she is destined to move to the western hemisphere. She got engaged on 14th June to Dinkar Vasudevan, an IIT alumnus who did his PhD in Network and Telecommunication in Switzerland. He has since secured a job as a Research Fellow in Menouth, Ireland – a town near Dublin. Irrespective of whether you are a Shamrock Rovers fan or not, Arti can treat you to some Bailey’s Irish Cream, if you are Dublin bound. Wedding is slated for the spring of 2010, in Yamuna.

Letter to the Editor

Dear Sir,

I used to work for Environmental Protection Agency of Australia in their Sydney office (now I am employed in Singapore) and currently in Delhi en route to Mumbai to attend a family wedding. I happened to come across your well-written editorial (May 09 issue) and I compliment you for both the contents and good English, which is a rarity even in Indian English dailies! Today being World Environment Day, I would like to bring a few environmental issues to your notice.

Yamuna Apts, though by itself an oasis, has been sandwiched between the rich GK-II residents and slums of Govindpuri and poorly maintained new middle class DDA flats around our society. One example of very poor hygienic standards is the ground just behind Yamuna. For our residents, access to Yamuna- constructed temple is very bad. It seems that the only way is to build a Bailey Bamboo bridge above ground (1 meter) all the way from rear gate of Yamuna to the temple gates, with provision to lock up both ends of the bridge from sunset to next day sunrise!

1. The unbearable heat of Delhi seems to not abate, so before the ONSET of next summer, please get the entire roofs of all the blocks painted by white lime. This is an effective way to reflect 65% of the directly falling sunrays and brings down the temp by 5-6 deg. Celsius, even during the peak sunshine hours.

2. Similarly, the main wall along the road from St George’s School to Alaknanda market needs to be more protected from dust, pollution, noise of ever increasing vehicles, by erecting all along the front wall, white ad boards of either banks or telecom companies. It will also generate additional revenue for Yamuna Society. This will keep all forms of pollution, dust and noise away from Yamuna residents.

3. While rain harvesting idea is very good, with such excess sunshine, Yamuna should go for rooftop solar panels to generate electricity for its residents and security lights. Even coolers and fans can be run on solar electricity. Similarly, the guards should be provided with plastic wall mounted fans run on solar panels which would be an incentive for them to keep solar panels periodically cleaned up from dust and other particles.

4. A sign board/site map near the gate should be provided with lights for use at night for all visitors to make their way through the colony, which has a peculiar layout and NO display of flat numbers easily visible, even to residents!

5. Finally, with cars getting bigger in size and more in numbers, their parking is proving to be a nightmare for residents, as there is NIL access to main gate from their own flats! Even OLD and frail nursing home residents in Australia have better access to main gate! B-Block residents can barely carry their luggage or bags across the parked vehicles to catch a taxi for rail/air journey! We may have to do something about this URGENTLY!

Thanks,

Sidharth Iyer (B-005)

YAMUNA’S TREES

The Common Fig (Ficus Carica)

The common fig (Ficus carica) is a large shrub or small tree native to southwest Asia and the eastern Mediterranean region (from Greece to Turkey). It grows to a height of 6.9–10 m (23–33 ft) tall. It is widely grown for its edible fruit in Iran and Pakistan, the Mediterranean region and other areas of the world with a similar climate. If you’ve always thought the fig is a fruit, think again! It’s actually a flower, termed as an inflorescence or arrangement of multiple flowers. Actually, it’s a false fruit, in which the flowers and seeds grow together to form a single mass.

Figs go way back into history. The edible fig is one of the first plants that were cultivated by humans. Fig fossils were found in the early Neolithic village Gilgal I (in the Jordan Valley, 13 km north of Jericho). It is thought that fig cultivation perhaps preceded that of wheat, barley, and legumes by 1000 years.and may thus be the first known instance of agriculture.

Figs were a common food source for the Romans.

Remember your Bible stories? In the story of Creation, Adam and Eve covered themselves with fig leaves after eating the forbidden apple and being banished from Paradise.

The fig also pops up in the Quran, praised by the Prophet Muhammad himself, thus, "If I had to mention a fruit that descended from paradise, I would say this is it because the paradisiacal fruits do not have pits...”

Another interesting fact – the word ‘sycophant’ means ‘showing the figs’, from the Greek sýkon, "fig", and phaínō, "to show". In ancient Athens, the law forbade the export of these fruits. The term was used to refer to those who informed against people who broke the law or stole the fruit of the sacred fig trees.

From the nutritional angle, figs are veritable superstars. They’re loaded with calcium and fibre. Dried figs are richest in fibre, copper, manganese, magnesium, potassium, calcium, and vitamin K and antioxidants.

Now for the big question: can you guess in which part of Yamuna this tree grows ? Regular Yamuna walkers and long time residents will surely know; as for the rest, if you aren’t up to it, ‘walk’ your fingers down to the bottom of this post for the answer!

MIRTH CORNER

The Vagaries of English

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 Meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with ‘quick’?

(Author unknown)

The story of my life

"The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing" or "Why we don't get any..."

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of South Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However, there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere Mallus and Tams? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.)

Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapathy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him, though. He has no personal life, you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochie-cooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he can’t use his Rs. 30,000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school , they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes. Along with all the girls.

Yes, my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes, Appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.

If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, God forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry Casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things on each arm. But alas, it is not to be. Of course the South Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a brain dead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan seminary.

Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco, while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping, we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room , his female co-workers just disappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. They have all rematerialized around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread.

How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging T-shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red T-shirt, baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badshah".

Sociologically too the Tam or Mallu man is severely sidelined. An average Tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at 3 in the morning. The Mallu guy, of course, is almost always in the Gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows, methinks.

Alas dear friends, we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the Southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank, Ernakulam Branch. Alas, as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice, arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But Amma has said only on second Saturdays..."

(The author of this..er..masterpiece is unknown. We hope you enjoyed it. No offence meant to anyone, by the way!)

CALENDAR OF EVENTS - JULY 2009

11^th July

Rain Dance and music

Venue: Main lawn Time: 6.30 pm onwards

(Answer: The fig tree in the picture is in front of Kashu’s canteen (C-Block) . There’s another one among the Ashokas and Gulmohars facing the main road.)